What We Want Is What We See

Stephanie Swann
March 27, 2025

There’s a saying common to the Buddhadhamma—sometimes in the context of perception, sometimes in the context of intention—that what we want is what we see. In other words, what we deeply desire, consciously or not, shapes how we see the world. This invites us to take a look at our frame of mind. What is it that we really want?

If we want success, we’ll see opportunities or obstacles in every situation.

If we want to be right, we’ll see faults in others.

If we want love, we’ll see who is for us or against us.

The Buddha understood this dynamic well. In the Pali Canon, he speaks of tanha—craving—as the root of suffering. When craving drives our perception, it distorts reality. It narrows our field of view. We see through the lens of lack.

But what happens when what we want is not craving, not gain, not ego-satisfaction—but Metta or lovingkindness?

If lovingkindness is what we want, then we start to see beings, not enemies.
We see vulnerability instead of threat.
We see the common humanity in others instead of their opinions or flaws.

When Metta is what we want, we are not looking to extract or defend or compete. We’re looking to connect.

And the miracle is: because this is what we’re looking for, we actually see it.

I remember once, I was walking through a grocery store in a hurry. My mind was agitated. Everything felt like an obstacle—slow carts, long lines, people stopping in the middle of the aisle. But I caught myself and asked, “What do I want right now?” And the answer surprised me: I wanted peace. I wanted friendliness. I wanted kindness to be the thread of the day.

So I started practicing Metta quietly:

“May this person be well.”
“May that person be free from suffering.”
“May I meet this moment with a kind heart.”

And you know what? The store didn’t change. But everything softened. I saw a child holding her grandmother’s hand. I saw a tired cashier doing their best. I saw the vulnerability in everyone—and I felt connected to it all.

What we want is what we see.

In the Karaniya Metta Sutta, the Buddha describes the mind that wishes: “May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be at ease.” He doesn’t say, “May all beings be agreeable. May all beings share my views.”

It’s not conditional.

It’s a radical wanting—for the wellbeing of others.

When this is our true aspiration, our perception starts to reflect it.

And there’s a feedback loop: the more we see with lovingkindness, the more we want it, and the more we want it, the more we see it.

It doesn’t mean we ignore harm or injustice. It means we meet it with a mind trained in compassion, not hatred.

The Buddha didn’t teach Metta as a luxury or a sentiment. He taught it as a path. A daily practice. A way of seeing. A way of wanting.

So, I’ll leave you with a question:

What do you want to see in the world today? And what happens if what you want… is lovingkindness?